bye bye...

sedar tak sedar
dah 4 tahun berblog
not that i blog much
and i dont think it make any difference if i blog or not

a lot of things has changed
feelings
emotion
way of thinking

we made mistakes
and regret it
and wish we wouldnt do it
we grew up
and be an adult
and face the harshness of reality

next week
akan bermula new phase of my life
today i set so many things stright
as an egoistic person
i tried to overcome it
because i am scared

i think im gonna stop blogging
random?
it is
life is...

will miss u a lot
we had great time together
we did
i'll keep that in my mind

bye dear
bye bye....

=))

Perfectionist...

Dear lifeylife...

Time final exam psychology/mental health dengan specialist waktu posting di Jakarta dlu, I was immediately diagnosed with being 'perfectionist' by my consultant as soon as she read my patient's medical record that I had prepared for the exam.

I don't actually agreed to that.
Now, I realised I do have a little bit of that in me. I won't stop repeating a stage of a game until I get a perfect score.

Hahaha!!!

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Of kittys...

Dear lifeylife...

Untung la si kurus ni gi 'kawin' ngn kucing persian jiran.
Automatically dpt 4 ekor kittys yg gebus.
Yiiiii to the haaa!!!!

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

happy birthday Hawa Tasniem Cms

Happy birthday dear kak cik
May your life be filled with happiness and Allah's blessing
I love u loads and i'll always pray for your beautiful future in this world and here-after
Be a good servant to Allah, daughter to mak abah, little sister to adam alip n i, and big sister to a'an
We love u a lot...

Smooches!!!

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My Mind

Dear lifeylife...

It's quite confusing you know...

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Menjala

Dear lifylife...

Hasil penjalaan hari ni.
Yumm...
Buurrpp...

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Kitties

Dear lifeylife....

Semalam kucing tunggal rumah ni beranak...
Mak abah cakap kucing tu xreti jaga anak2 dia.
So when aniem told me she was delivering her babies, while walking around the house, I wasn't that surprised..
We found a big box, and put a lot of kain inside, then put the preggy mom with a kitty bergayutan kat celah kangkang die inside the box.
At first, she seemed so ignorant to her baby, but after a few sekehan manja dr yours truly, she started to lick her first black-coloured-baby.
It took her quite sometimes to give birth to another 3 tompok-tompok hitam putih kitties.
And with a little bit more of encouragement and cheering, we are proud to say that she's taking a very good care of her kitties right now.

Yay!

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Eid Adha

Dear lifeylife...

Happy Eid Adha
Makan pulut kuning and rendang ayam mak yg superb.
Purse ilang.
Berdoa lah semoga 5 minit lg jumpe purse balik.
Bad mood saya!!!
Sbb purse ilang.
Ngeee~

.::. Mak sibuk buat rendang, anak sibuk buat popia. Nasib baik sedap. Ngahahaha!!!

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Interview

Dear lifeylife...

Lusa interview SPA...
Are you ready???

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Udang geragau

Dear lifeylife...

Pagi2, main ke tepi pantai, dgn baby dua orang...
Sambil tgok selat melaka.
Cantik.
Pakcik2 tgah tangkap udang geragau.
Cencalok oh cencalok.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Sunset

Dear lifeylife...

A beautiful sunset while cruising along the Melaka River...

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

MMC

Dear lifeylife...

Tgh tunggu sijil sementara dari MMC.
And kelaparan.
Tadi left the house quite early tapi sampai lambat jgk.
Dah pakai GPS pun still sesat2.
Pastu bila dah cuak mula la kereta mati.
Oh I hate driving manual cars.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Finally

Dear lifeylife...

‎​​​ ‎​اَلْحَمْدُلِلّه...

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Sedih?

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Tanpa tittle

Dear lifeylife...

Alam ciptaan Tuhan tu indah sangat no?
:))

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Sweet talker

Dear lifeylife...

Patut a'an jatuh cinta dgn simsimi. Beliau mmg sweet talker abis..
;p

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Pavlova

Dear lifeylife...

Pavlova itu sedap.
Sumpah xtipu...
:-)

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We are back at square one...

Dear lifeylife...

Xtau nk ckp ape...
Hati tgh gundah gulana...
Menginginkan sesuatu yg tak bisa digapai tu sakit tau...
Anda pernah rasa tu?
Itu lah yg menyesak dalam minda sekarang...
:-)

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Selamat Hari Raya

Dear lifeylife...
Assalamualaikum...
I'm just going to make a short post to wish selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin...
Semoga kita akan dipertemukan lagi dengan bulan Ramadan next year...

Love from the cms family in Besut...

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Cicing....

Dear lifeylife...

A'an cakap, dah lama cicing tak balik rumah...
Alip cakap, 'cicing dah mati kot'...
Ah sedih nye.
Rindu cicing sangat2.
Cicing yg manja...
Cicing yg penakut...
Cicing yg comel...
Cicing yg baik...
Cicing yg gebu...

Tapi cicing mmg dah tua pun.
Maybe betul kata alip tu.
Alahai cicing...
I'm gonna miss u much buddy...
:(

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Game yang melaparkan...

Dear lifeylife...

Mak suruh buat cookies utk raya kemain malas,
Tapi main game cookies xmalas plak..
Ngee:-)

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Blessed...

Dear lifeylife...

Life at home is good...
Really3 good...
I'm blessed...

Sambal udang petai..

Dear lifeylife...

Home sweet home..

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Bye jakarta..

Dear lifeylife...

Say bye bye to jakarta...
I'll see u when I see u...

Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

bye bye bye...

dear lifeylife...

good bye jakarta
thanx a lot for all the bitter sweet memories
see u again on september for the oath!
will be missing i much...

toodles!

Too good to be true...

Dear lifeylife...

I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true. –Pooh

Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

Breakfast

Dear lifeylife...

Breakfast seorang penganggur berhemah..
Om nom nom nom!

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Rendang daging

Dear lifeylife...

Hidup seorang penganggur...
Tak ada kerja mencari kerja...
Makanya memasak rendang...
Daging campur paru sedap jgak...
Yumyumyum...


Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

Selamat Memilih

dear lifeylife...

selamat la termenung dan memilih.

toodles!

kampung halaman

dear lifeylife...

cantik kan kampung halaman saya
miahahha!
gambar curik kt fb sape ntah

ok tu je
chao!

Trust meh!

Dear lifeylife...

Sayu plak bila pikir dah tinggal just a short time je lg dok kt jakarta ni...
Even tho ms awal2 smpai jakarta, I whined and whined a lot pasal how uncomfortable it was, but I learned to love staying here...

Aish.. Sedih la.
Takmo la sedih2. Nnt sbulan skali dtg jakarta shopping okeh???
Heee~

Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

medschool

dear lifeylife...

ayuh saye ceritakan wat happened to me on my interview session with my patient and the consultant during the exam day...
my patient pada awal pertemuan saya dengan beliau sedang mengalami her manic episode, which is exactly one week sebelum the exam day
pada manic episode, a person akn jd sngat hiper, happy tak tentu pasal, menari2 berjoget2, cakap sangat2 banyak(logorrhoea/incoherent talkativeness), flight of ideas and sangat susah nak focus  which makes it soooo soooo hard to get informations from her.
tambahan pula, the family sangat2 susah dicontect which makes it even harder for me to get the patient's episodic mental history.

but i said to myself, ok lah, as long as nnt i can interview her well depan my consultant, i'll be just fine..
however!!!!! on the exam day itself, guess wat happened???
it turns out she started her depression episode on that day!
bermakna, die menjadi org yg sngat depressed, nangis tak tentu pasal, tak nak ckp ngan sape2, duduk diam2 je die at the corner of the ward.
menggelabah mak u know!
pujuk punya pujuk, tetap tak nak di interview jugak.
nak tak nak, kene la carik patient baru yg i have know not a single thing about
miahaha... and the rest is history!
but it worth it all bile my consultants asked me to do psychiatry for my residency, children psychiatric to be exact, because she said she can see potentials in me. dua hal yg tak berapa saya gemar. children+psychiatriy..
huhu~

so that's that!
saye dah settle da medschool saya.. yeeha!

Bipolar disorder

Dear lifeylife...

Next week ujian patient.
Perkenal kan ni patient saye.
Tgok la gambar profile kt med record die.
Siap buat gaya kiyut miyut.

Differential diagnosis: 1)bipolar disorder manic episode with psychotic features, 2)schizoaffective disorder manic type

Masih harus interview suami patient and the clock is ticking.. Real fast...
Appointment hari ahad ni. Maybe...

Sekian terima kasih.

Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

Children.

Dear lifeylife...

Dealing with mental patients, lebih kurang sama dengan dealing with children.
It involves tahap kesabaran yg tinggi, temper tantrum, gula2 yg banyak, dan bersedia mmbiarkan buku catatan anda diconteng2 sesuka hati.
Begitulah adanya...

Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

Oncall terakhir

Dear lifeylife...

Malam ni oncall terakhir di bumi jakarta.
Aduhai nak melepek d bilik ini je sepanjang malam aci tak?
Sambil tgok running man.
Aci tak?

Instead, kene melepek kt ER
Tp still sambil tgok running man.
And consultant yg oncall ngn I arini nampak mcm high semacam je.
Semogo incik consultant tdo awal malam neh. Ngeeheehee~~

Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

Hamster

cuteness overload!

oncall

Dear lifeylife..

Today adelah post call.
Smlm adelah oncall yg skeri.
Kene jeling dgn mental patients sepam dua da menggelabah.
Brani borak dgn patients yg dah diikat sajo.
Ok.
Saya tak berbakat jg psikiater.

Sekian terima kasih!

Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

Depression

Dear lifeylife...

Depression

Patient: saya merasa terganggu. Dulu penghasilan saya 1 Million sebulan. Sekarang 100 juta sahaja.

Doc: *gile!!*
Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

Manipulator

Dear lifeylife...

Mental patients are such a great manipulator. Their story are so convincing.

Saya kebingungan.
Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

of mental hospital

dear lifeylife...

hari ni first day kat mental health
yep. patients kat mental hospital mmg klakar.
bergayut2 kat grill pintu sambil menjerit "dokter cantik, dokter manis" memang cukup menghibur pagi saya.
masuk ward ade patient datang salam cium tangan walhal beliau sendiri da beruban memang menggelikan hati.
yang pasti, walau mereka tak sempurna, Allah kasi satu kesempurnaan buat mereka, yakni hati yang telus.
nak benci, benci lah, tak perlu mengumpat.
nak mengamok, mengamok lah, tak perlu cakap belakang.
mereka adelah hamba Allah yang paling jujur terhadap feelings mereka.

RS need magnum

Dear lifeylife...

Don't say anything.
Don't even think.
Just enjoy it to the fullest.
Brings out pleasure.
Sinful pleasure.

It's sticky.
It's messy.
It's complicated.
But you just can't stop it.

Whatever it is.
One thing I know for sure.
Every chocolate bitter sweet bite will be remembered.


Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

What is next?

dear lifeylife....

jadual next cycle dah keluar. so mental health in Rumah Sakit Jiwa Suharto Heedjan, Grogol will it be. selepas mental health tersebut, maka akan berakhir lah tugas saya as koas(HO) di indonesia. dan maka akan bermulalah hunting signs para doctors dalam rangka untuk mengejar hippocratic oath this sept 2012. and then i'll be back to malaysia for good.

tak sabar ke?
entah lah.
tak de perasaan sngat.
myb lepas dah Oath br rase the heat kot.

so till then,

babai!

dari mata turun ke hati

dear lifeylife...

dari mata turun ke hati
itulah saya sekarang
berada di mata
cornea, iris, lenses, retina.... and everything in between...

ophthalmology is actually not my cup of tea
but i appreciate how such small delicate organs can mean the world to a man's life

ok akan berhenti menaip sekarang
sedang dalam keadaan emosi yang tunggang langgang
tc lovelies
bye

The only thing that keep me going...

Dear lifeylife...

The only thing that keep me going during an oncall is the sunset. Superbly beautiful. سُبْحَانَ اللّهُ

I am grateful... ‎​​​ ‎​اَلْحَمْدُلِلّه

Dear lifeylife...

I've been mengeluh too much...
Waking up at 4, taking a bus at 5 and later an angkot to the hosp every morning has tire me up a little bit.

Arriving the hosp around 6, running while shouting to own self, "I'm late! I'm late". Makin kuat perasaan nak mengeluh bile tgok pintu pagar depan hosp tak buka pun lg which forces me to lari ke pintu belakang hosp which makes me another 3 mins late.

Arrive at the labour room, sigh heavily the moment I saw few families waiting out side the labour room. It must be a tough night for my fellow colleagues who stayed back for the oncall last night. Silently I prayed that tonight will be a calm night for me(oncall night baybeh)..

I was slapped back into reality when my colleague told me that a patient will be brought up to the labour room later so she has to stay back at the labour room a little bit later before going up to do patients follow up. Hoyay! More patients for me(sarcastic)...

Oncall tonight, esok visite dgn dr E. Ade kemungkinan kne maki habis2an coz I heard he was in such in an ill tampered lately. 32 working hours stright is actually nothing. I am so grateful.

Xperlu lah nak mengeluh bnyk sngt awa... Ade org yg kerja dia lagi berat, risiko lagi besar dan dpt gaji xberbaloi pun nak bandingkan dengan kita. Kutip sampah, lombong arang batu, cuci baju rumah jiran, sapu pasir kt jalanan dan macam2 jenis pekerjaan lagi yg xterfikir oleh otak cetek ni. Kalau kita asek mengeluh je bermaksud kita xbersyukur. Whining won't makes everything bare able. Smiling and being grateful makes everything seems light and easy.

اِ نْ شَآ ءَ اللّهُ

I'm so sorry, but you are still young...

Dear lifeylife...

A young girl, came to the obs-gyn clinic, complaining of having vaginal bleeding and was really concern of her 14-week-old-first-pregnancy. I sent her to the gyn chair, checked where were the bleeding from and confirmed it came from the little opening of the cervix. "It might be a miss-carriage", I told her, and I could see her blank eyes went watery and filled with sadness. "But let's just confirm it with a transvaginal USG, ok?", somehow, I felt a rush of guilty feeling filled my empty heart when I saw a little hope in her smile when she nodded her head.

Moments later, her turn for the USG came. She eagerly stole a glance at the monitor in every little opportunity she had, hoping to see her little baby move, but immediately she was sent to a very great despair when we confirmed the miss-carriage.

I patted her forearm, "you are still very young, don't be sad, there will be another one soon, don't worry", and then explained to her that we need to do a curretage to make sure the bleeding stops.

Truthfully, I know, every time I said "it's going to be ok", it will not change much, coz she had lost her baby she hoped for. It is sad u know, the one who really wants a baby, ended up having a miss-carriage, but the one who didn't, gave birth to a very healthy baby and ended up leaving the baby near a dustbin. Life is so unfair...

Cincins...

Dear lifeylife...

Pernahkah anda mmberus pakaian yg sedang anda pakai?
Ye, saya baru melakukah hal tersebut, tahniah buat saya.
Itu lah akibatnya kalo ade air ketuban merecik secara berleluasa pada satu2nya seluar oncall yg dibawa ke hospital.
Survival rate: boleyla.

Td saya jd assistant time c-sect. Dan melakukan pemotongan fallopian tube. Saya ketagih.

Ps: gambar mmg takde kene mengena dengan cerita. Sekian.

of v-jay-jays and uteruses ;p

dear lifeylife...

salam...
life at the OBGYN department is surely hectic as i thought it would be
there are 6 people in our group and everyday, 2 of us have to stay back at the hospital for oncall
that means we have to do oncall every two nights.

oncall night*labor room, wards, operation theater(OT), ER and whatnots*
postcall night*exhausted-sleep early*
precall night*stress-sleep early* ;p
oncall night*ctrl+c then ctrl+v*

last week was my OT's week
so i spent most of my time in the OT
mostly for C-sects and curettes and other laparatomy operations for gynee patients
nothing much basically because it was my first OT rotation so i just help with the patient's pre-op preparation, paper works and helping with the baby

caesarean section

curette@curettage

the most i could do was being an assistant during the curette which was no fun at all
cant wait for my next OT rotation where i'll be able to be the 1st assistant during a c-sect
*dah lama tak menjahit weehoo!!!*gian*

this week i was assigned to be at the labor room
meaning more and more vagina touche, episiotomy+sew it back and of course being as supportive as we could be in time of leading tired-helpless-desperate mommies undergoing their pain during the harsh stages of labor.

vaginal touche@pelvic examination

episiotomy

err... messy messy work i tell u
but at the end, listening to the first cry of a new-born baby on his/her effort to inhale as much oxygen as he/she could to make sure the lungs inflate well for the blood to enter the lungs for the first time and start the complete blood circulation, see the blueish face turned pink and see he/she actively moves his/her limbs for the first time, surely make every thing worth it all!*manly-tears* ;p

err.. dah *lewat?* malam and tonight is my precall nite
stress oh stress
tido sekarang!
nitey nite nite!
hahhaha~
roger and out!

Hawa Annur

Happy 7th birthday my dearest sweetest cutest comelest and greatest adik bongsu...

Kak long doakan A'an akan menjadi orang yang berjaya dunia akhirat.

Dah2. A'an g cium mak and abah say thank you sbb beranakkan A'an cpat!

Hijab

Dear lifeylife...

When Nobel laureate Tawakul Karman was asked about her Hijab by Journalists and how it is not proportionate with her level of intellect and education, she replied:

"Man in the early times was almost naked, and as his intellect evolved he started wearing clothes. What I am today and what I'm wearing represents the highest level of thought and civilization that man has achieved, and is not regressive. It's the removal of clothes again that is regressive back to ancient times"

Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

Kembali ke alam nyata

Dear lifeylife...

Setelah sekian lama bercuti berhuha2, maka kite kembali ke alam nyata (read: Jakarta)
Isnin start last major cycle; Obstetric and Gynaecology.

Alahaii.. Best nye dok rumah with adik2. Sebest apam comel gebu yg enak buatan kak long. Ngeh3~

Bkak purse tetibe jumpe note daripada si kenit A'an. Alahai adikku, comel nye kamu.

Sigh... Homesick kejap... Kejap je, tak boleh lama2... ;(