mixed feelings

dear lifeylife....

lapar!

a nordsee's sushi box will do

a plate of tasteless rice eaten with kebab is okey

sweet fish and crispy chips with green beans will satisfy my need

my sweet tooth needs the sugar rush

oh just gimmi the waffle with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce

or a slice a baklava will make me a happy gal

then i realize how lonely i am

lonely and hungry....

might end up with gastritis tomorrow

during my oncall day

perfect!

just simply perfect!

of smiles and frowns..

dear lifeylife.....

putting my both hands into a patient's tummy during a laparotomy is sooooo cooolll

sooo soooo coool!

holding the slimy colon from the inside of tummy is cooler

and when my consultant asked me to hold the warm liver, i felt like i might pingsan with excitement

closing up the laparotomy on my own while my consultant did the colostomy is superfragilicious

however

feeling that the cancer has literally closed up the rectum and climbing up to the colon is bad

holding the warm liver but realize that the cancer has mestastasized from the rectum and now is eating up the liver is far worst

but closing up without doing nothing but the colostomy because the cancer has literally taking over the body and there's nothing we could do to stop it is devastating

sometimes, some things are just meant to be....